It's hard

The title of this blog really says it all. Why I haven't been writing and why the training hasn't been going so well. It's hard. Training is hard as I get closer to the race, obviously. Longer runs, more intense training and more dedication makes the training difficult. But you know what makes training harder? Just feeling depleted with your heart not in it. I want to run this half marathon. It's a commitment I made to myself and a goal I really want to accomplish, but so much in my life has been changing lately that is has been really difficult to stay focused. I recently moved back to my hometown of Fargo for a few months to be with my family and work at a performing arts school for the summer. I know it was the right decision, but coming back to Fargo has been difficult to adjust to and it has affected my training in ways that I didn't expect. I've been getting frustrated and angry when I've had tough runs, which makes me more discouraged and less motivated. It is a vicious cycle.
Instead of focusing on what I AM accomplishing, I've been focusing on what I'm not. Not improving my times, not feeling strong and not getting that extra workout in has taken over my mind. It's toxic.
And you know what else? I really miss my Dad and wish he could give me a pep talk. That's probably the root of it all.
But I'm pushing through. Yesterday I had a great run and I had a good cross training session, so I feel back on track. It's a process.